en o u gh ple a se

Maybe because of the death instinct that Sigmund Freud said, sometimes I wonder how I would die.

the popular choices are diebeties, parkinsons and then of course the ever popular automobile accidents. I think the probability is so darn high for me on that.

No, I just never thought of lung cancer, then again, maybe.

That's not the point. The point is i am now feeling so damn fcuking guilty of crashing the bumper, leaving it with a 15cm tear and white paint from cand's concrete slab.

Steffy ho: the concrete slab was perfectly fine, as according to owner.

I hope i didnt get my car paint on it or I might have to liquid paper it away, haha! Its 530. In, latest, 1.5 hours my dad will walk out of the room and I will have to launch the bad news on him.

As according to dantok he says 300-400 and I hope it stays in this price range. it's not nice when its too high because I don't know where the fuck to get the money.

Aside from that, i'm suffering from some bout of i-dont-know-whats. so maybe, hopefully shelwyn can help me later. Sometimes, you jst need to get everyone out of your life so you can concentrate on fixing yours before joining the society bandwagon again. But mostly, once youve done that you'd feel you're outta the world because you no longer do things according to the standard of the society but a benchmark you set for yourself.

So what happens after that? There are so many things going on at the same times and really, it can get tiring when your pose with problems after problems. Choices, there are many problems connected with choices as well. I've tried telling myself that i should just go with my original ideas and not spin off something else. And I tend to follow these something else and some more problems are created.

And at this pt you have no more energy to solve it, no wish to do it and no heart in helping yourself because. youre too damn tired.

i am too damn tired.

and then my problem with boundaries? There isnt any because I solved it already, sometimes. And all the time, these sometimes causes me extra troubles that i dont wanna seek. then how?

would my superman help me settle everything there is?
God, can you help me please?