走火入魔
First things up, I should't have worried so much. My mother sent me an sms saying she have no regrets buying that phone - I certainly hope she's talking about the n80. That way, nothing stops me from zooming to get my k800i asap.
tonight at xy's place was fun - I haven't described an event "fun" since neverland. (:
There are times when I wonder if I really do have to carry this responsibility down with me - for now and maybe forever. Its a dead weight that never goes away.
Should I have left for sydney 3 years ago, these all wouldn't have been possible. I'll probably have escaped numerous things - a couple of those I'd rather not rem.
I don't know how to justify my decision 3 years ago but there was this compelling need to stay - non financial of course, purely emotional.
Then now that I retrace - it was probably God who wanted me to stay. If its that way, then not only I am going to have to carry this forever and I might have to even intervene - at this pt, I want to cowar and say no. I wish God would give me a sign, tell me he's here with me guiding, accompanying me through it all.
I know he is - he always is. But gosh, sometimes I just feel so tired, so alone - its something no human company can ease.
Humans are almost always selfish. I try, with the help of God's grace not to be. I do what I can but somehow sometimes its just too tiring to go on. Drawing boundaires, I believe this is still within my boundary - I try as I might to influence right but if its not meant to be, then I guess its seriously not meant to be.
its almost 50 minutes since my sis called and I still dont know if she's even on the way home or not. im tired and sleepy. I want to bathe and sleep till late. I better start bathing before the worrying consumes me.
tonight at xy's place was fun - I haven't described an event "fun" since neverland. (:
There are times when I wonder if I really do have to carry this responsibility down with me - for now and maybe forever. Its a dead weight that never goes away.
Should I have left for sydney 3 years ago, these all wouldn't have been possible. I'll probably have escaped numerous things - a couple of those I'd rather not rem.
I don't know how to justify my decision 3 years ago but there was this compelling need to stay - non financial of course, purely emotional.
Then now that I retrace - it was probably God who wanted me to stay. If its that way, then not only I am going to have to carry this forever and I might have to even intervene - at this pt, I want to cowar and say no. I wish God would give me a sign, tell me he's here with me guiding, accompanying me through it all.
I know he is - he always is. But gosh, sometimes I just feel so tired, so alone - its something no human company can ease.
Humans are almost always selfish. I try, with the help of God's grace not to be. I do what I can but somehow sometimes its just too tiring to go on. Drawing boundaires, I believe this is still within my boundary - I try as I might to influence right but if its not meant to be, then I guess its seriously not meant to be.
its almost 50 minutes since my sis called and I still dont know if she's even on the way home or not. im tired and sleepy. I want to bathe and sleep till late. I better start bathing before the worrying consumes me.
