pouration

Post

2007-01-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

post; as in after, not post as in posting.

Ha, right. if you cant find me cause im at someplace else.
close friends would probably be able to find me,
a place which ive never totally disappeared from.
be ready to move back soon, that is if i can find a good enough template.

and oh, if you hadnt received an sms about my new phone number, feel free to contact any aminos. they'll assist you, haha!

other news being, i dont know where the heck is my posb bankbook,
might be in my car.
haha,

highlight of the week;
aminos post christmas pre newyear party 291206

2007

2007-01-01T05:09:00.000+08:00

Okay, so its the 2007.

7 years into the 21st Century. Remember the days when it was 00, the talk was when God was coming to save us because it was the 2000AD.

okay, not touching on serious topics, there are a few new things I am gonna do this year. To be honest, its not gonna be a very good year for me. So there;

1) Get 1-eye Dzi Beads
2 Get 9-eyed Dzi Beads
3) Do everything myself, reject most help
4) Study damn freaking hard
5) Stop last minutes
6) Be damn Punctual
7 ) Do More Hair Masks
8) Get Protection amulets
9) Drive FREAKIN safely
10) TRY vegetarian (SAVE THE Animals!)

So there, I hope 07 pass safely. It's gonna be a pretty clean up year. Twenty is a good age to try and secure some life habits and then I can look forward to 08 countdown at Equinox. I'd like to try a year without any last minutes. This might stop shortening my life.

Happy new year to you

merry christmas

2006-12-25T04:31:00.000+08:00

i haven't been here for a while,
maybe because ive been so busy and ive got no time to think about any other damn thing
sch work's been quite a bitch, but iv got it over and done with.
till the 8th and the 11th.

and then my holis will seep in,
starting with a trip to china
and then to japan.

and then, possibly Canada.
because audreytan is going over,
and i know i am going to miss her like crazy.

but first,
i need to catch up on my sleep.
two weeks of sleep deprivation.

merry christmas anyway.

expresso

2006-12-11T03:07:00.000+08:00

i woke up to find a pair of eyes staring at me.
to be more exact, i jerk awake to find beelay looking at me and chuckling (cos i jerked).
i have no idea how long she's been looking but
i know she was looking at me while i slept but i seriously dont look good when im sleeping so im not sure whats there to look but yes.
its my first.
weirdly but none wakes before me before cos i always kenna shock up by alarms (due to a special trait, i auto becomes a light sleeper minutes before the alarm goes off) and it happens that the people who have shared a bed with me all have deficiency in waking to alarms.

very. heartfelt.
she's not gonna see this but thankyou you beelay anyway. haha.

Musik: Deng yi ge qing tian - Joi Chua

yet another set of 'giggles'

2006-12-07T03:18:00.000+08:00

ange says:
i didnt remember her being so suave
(( scared to try )) says:
suave?! haha, what like sexy suave?!
(( scared to try )) says:
yeah
ange says:
yeah. haha shite, i really think she's sexy suave
(( scared to try )) says:
i think its pretty sure that shes gay
(( scared to try )) says:
dude
(( scared to try )) says:
she's 45!
ange says:
I KNOW..
(( scared to try )) says:
gain some perspective!
ange says:
but..
(( scared to try )) says:
do you, like, have the hots for her?!?!
ange says:
haha
(( scared to try )) says:
wah.... serious stuff. you are like giggling!
ange says:
you gotta brace yrself for the answer if you want the truth , haha
ange says:
WHO SAYS IM GIGGLING!
(( scared to try )) says:
i can tell man
ange says:
(freak, howdidyou know i was giggling anyway!)
(( scared to try )) says:
youre like a best friend. i know you too well for your own good
(( scared to try )) says:
ange says:
argh, dammit
ange says:
yes.
ange says:
indeed
ange says:
i AM giggling.
(( scared to try )) says:
(( scared to try )) says:
so? whats the deal
(( scared to try )) says:
you like her?
ange says:
i always have la. jst that im too distracted by other people to really focus on her last time

......

now all i can think about is how good you felt in my arms

2006-11-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

My hair is fantabulous today thanks to the deft hands of my most trusted hair stylist, Amie!
I would just die without her. :D

{

stage 1

- sits down, looks around. Within 10 seconds she found out who the hell is magnet that seems to shuck her up totally. + sits right opposite her, 10 steps away. However, Ms P happens to block sometimes with her back when she moves. Despite that - got a great view of + who sits besides the very dull Ms L.

- walks over to talk to Ms J, whose sitting on the same table as +, - head rises and stares straight into + eyes for full 2 seconds. - heads down and continues talking to Ms J.

}

Well, I somehow like my face better now thanks all to Chanel's peeling thingie that cost 300 bucks but it works. Its not perfect fann wong's, ableit is pretty far from it but compared to my previous ones, its much better. Though, im still nowhere guessing if Melvin's gay or not but i love our chemistry, a lot. It feels damn great because he knows when to laugh and what to say and denies at all right places.

How often, really. Do you get somebody whose so in snyc with you?

{

Ms J: youre very sexy today!
-: haha thanks!

.......

- mind is on somewherelse.

}

sometimes it jst gets me thinking, what the hell is love anyway? to Ms. W love and money are never apart, but that doesnt mean she's thinking of money before love or vice versa. They're synergised with each other so greatly that they cannot stand alone; rather, love will never be able to stand alone.

{

. . .. ...

- is looking for + but she is nowhere to be found.

.. . .

After a very long while, + reappears.

}

I have problem with my memory. I seem to forget things very easily. I can even forget the fact that I do like you.

I have a problem with connectivity of my brain and nerve. I suspect that they dont even connect. I want to do walk over to her but I walked to the lift instead. Not thinking this could be the last chance im seeing her ever again.

{

- walks over with a super megawatt smile.
+: hey! hello! returns smile.

don't know what happen, embraced.

- hands is on + waist and +hands is on - shoulders.

-: can i have a picture?

picture taken.

they both didnt let go.

-: you became skinner eh?
- head looks down to see +'s shoes meanwhile thinking if the thing - felt was a binder.
+: Nope. 'shakes head' didnt, you never hug me before how do you know?
-: phwah, you know?
No answer

-: can i have another on my phone?

second picture taken.

they still didnt let go. until someone called for +

}

The only one who I was thinking abt during the whole drive home was her;

i always knew she doesnt looks good in pictures but this was a bad shot, the one on my cam is a much better one.

What I dont know is why people dont like susan, but I think she's much more attractive than a hell lot of other people anyway. i hope and still hoping she doesnt have a girlfriend that she's gonna spend her life with already. thats mean of me anyway but i'll like a shot since im out of sch alr anyway. :D

I miss her a lot, and i dont know how much until i saw her today again. it might not be tangible but she gave me a lot of things i didnt even know i needed. oh and not forgetting she's the first teacher who called me 'Angie', then geraint, janice, jeya, wendy, sng, all did.

I wanted to walk over to her to give her a hug and told her im leaving and hopefully i'll see her when im back in sn. what rubbish, what i wanted to do was have her number lor. but like i just said, i walked to the direction of the lift instead.

my third regret of all.
with the first two belonging to ac.

Other pictures of the night;

jeya!

my sitting partner!

AND just in case you're wondering. No, I didnt take photo with geraint.
and gurung was the second person who said i was sexy. HAHA!

i hate. you. really.

2006-11-27T06:23:00.000+08:00

i hate my hair, i hate the stylist that destroyed my hair even more. its so bad until its almost unspeakable. not going out isnt an option so i'll try.

its so tiring. sometimes. all the time.
and sometimes, all the times, you wish there was a superman who would save you from all these. somebody, your superman, would tell you its okay. its all okay. no matter what, he loves you still. better yet, forever too.

i tend to like tvb's show where the guy's some hero that goes around saving people and helping people anonymously. somehow, no matter no un-hero the outfit is or how non-hero his looks are, he wld always look very hero...-ic and that is extremely endearing to me.

haha, so yes. i've finished yet another set of them and its not as good anymore but at least i liked certain parts of it, haha. And yes, that includes he in his hero..-ic sauveness and non hero looks.

My darling hubby; you might wanna collect your luggage before next friday; cos im leaving for hk already! :D

And honey: WHERES MY MONEY? haha! it rhymes! Jk, can pass me before friday? Thanks!

and no, i cant do jack and the beansprout. i want to go! and yes, i owe you but ive got a damn flight to catch.....

I need to go get the bloody chinese software! :(

veronika has a sekret

2006-11-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

oh, i saw that veronika book at kino but i decided not to buy because of the print.
the words were squashed together so tightly you need tupertine to unglue the glue, and the paper was so skinny that i could see the ink from the opposite page.

im terribly hoping either hng or cand would have a better copy. :S

ITS THURSDAY!

In a day I WILL escape from two menopausing folks and have some great peace of the moment for about 5ive days. Oh yeah!

Sometimes its jst pretty tough. Maybe later tonight me and syl will just end up comparing notes about it.

Oh, my car is fixed. What a great job everyone says and no, it isnt changed. Its the same bloody I crashed. And no, we haven't paid yet. haha! I tried asking my mother and she said she has no idea because the bill hasnt arrived, i hope it doesnt arrive.

My family mechanic, whom I call tweety bird (his name is Ah-Man, he's cantonese and looks very like tweety bird), wasn't very impressed with it. He's been with us since the moon starting rotating round the earth and i bet he didnt think my dad would have such a swa-ku driver for a daughter.

wa-lao eh, like what I always say. I become a real nu-ren when I drive, all those disgusting details seeps out and yes, to be honest, I cannot tahan the way i drive either.

-

Today when my mother opened the mail, there was a letter that stated "Government Service" on the front and "Speeding kills" at the back. The first reaction was.. "ORH-HOR.. you speed issit?" from my ck jeans wearing mother to me.

Upon opening the darn bloody envelope, what was jarring to me was that it stated 2228 and not 3282. You cannot fcuking believe how all the wind rushed out from me turning me into a deflated windbag. Oh thank you, God. The fine is 130 bucks plus 4 demerit points. I called my dad and he actually said, "too bad la". how kool is that? Too bad la? Aiight man. *gun signs.

Oh if you must know, it happened at lornie road where the speed limit was 60kmph.

Aiight, whats with the speed limit? Then why do I attract all these muranos who love to tailgate me like nobody's business when I'm travelling on the outer most right lane on the PIE already tailgating a fcuking taxi who die-also-wouldnt give way and a lancer beside me who just loves to stay in my blind spot?

(you dont know how many lancers and sunnies there actually are on the road until you drive man)

No, i hate to tailgate but because all these muranos loves to tailgate me that i cannot not tailgate the guy infronta me. I don't care, really, abt taxis. but when a nice burly honda stream is in front with a huge sign that says " CHILD ON BOARD" it makes me think twice.

ahhh children.., one of them made me cry at church because she was staring at me. lil fcuker. :(

im tired. i havent ordered my clothes from VS and judging by the time, I REALLY cannot delay any longer or i'll catch myself in desperation when it doesnt fit, and i hate to be in that space. So VS, here i come!

Oh, my sony walkman died. Haha, hardisk problem, apparently. Its fixed though, thank God its within warranty. I'm now officially mp3 challenged. Now the heck do I go round spoiling two mp3s in less than 6 months?

en o u gh ple a se

2006-11-07T05:29:00.000+08:00

Maybe because of the death instinct that Sigmund Freud said, sometimes I wonder how I would die.

the popular choices are diebeties, parkinsons and then of course the ever popular automobile accidents. I think the probability is so darn high for me on that.

No, I just never thought of lung cancer, then again, maybe.

That's not the point. The point is i am now feeling so damn fcuking guilty of crashing the bumper, leaving it with a 15cm tear and white paint from cand's concrete slab.

Steffy ho: the concrete slab was perfectly fine, as according to owner.

I hope i didnt get my car paint on it or I might have to liquid paper it away, haha! Its 530. In, latest, 1.5 hours my dad will walk out of the room and I will have to launch the bad news on him.

As according to dantok he says 300-400 and I hope it stays in this price range. it's not nice when its too high because I don't know where the fuck to get the money.

Aside from that, i'm suffering from some bout of i-dont-know-whats. so maybe, hopefully shelwyn can help me later. Sometimes, you jst need to get everyone out of your life so you can concentrate on fixing yours before joining the society bandwagon again. But mostly, once youve done that you'd feel you're outta the world because you no longer do things according to the standard of the society but a benchmark you set for yourself.

So what happens after that? There are so many things going on at the same times and really, it can get tiring when your pose with problems after problems. Choices, there are many problems connected with choices as well. I've tried telling myself that i should just go with my original ideas and not spin off something else. And I tend to follow these something else and some more problems are created.

And at this pt you have no more energy to solve it, no wish to do it and no heart in helping yourself because. youre too damn tired.

i am too damn tired.

and then my problem with boundaries? There isnt any because I solved it already, sometimes. And all the time, these sometimes causes me extra troubles that i dont wanna seek. then how?

would my superman help me settle everything there is?
God, can you help me please?

或者我醒来也不该当真

2006-11-03T17:54:00.000+08:00

two weeks of sneaky glances, the awkward slight turning of the body, the minor turning of the head not visible but only if you noticed the eyes, and all of that in a full package sign sealed and delivered right onto my lap. Give me that walking past excessively and looking when you think shes not noticing, or turning away super quickly when you turn and caught her staring, all packed into it as well.

on the other side....

You even know her full name because you took extra look at the register and at her signature trying to determind something...(no, to be honest I don't rem cos her name's too long). You even know she has two yellow shirts, and she's a sneaker girl. Not only that, you even notice she has a similar watch to yours and wears a bangle on the same wrist as you.

Sounds familiar?

Well, thats when I though she was gonna finally come up to me (well maybe not, maybe she might go through mariyani), I killed it before it could happen. Oh, totally unintentionaly.

Maybe it is because its been such a long time and my skills are all but rusty and/or maybe its also because there wasn't a need to hook somebody or anybody for that matter, all credited to this certain nooner with sbd for the past years, saved me from swimming (and drowning) in the sea of pursuit.

I mean, how stupid can you be?
ok, I wasn't noticing my environment cos I was (and still is) suffering from gastric.

I said " I'm interested in the matter and not person"
And she was sitting two rows in front of me and she fcuking turned and looked at me right after I said that. (twas during break time) With a kong pia face.

And that came from, me trying to play ignorance. So I said that I am only interested in confirming and not interested in the person.

Isn't that sad? Well, I could be interested... Right? And maybe, I am interested. Oh hell, I think I am interested.

And after class, she walked past me with a damn straight face. Can you believe it? She didnt even look at me, (no you know how you might be facing forward but this certain angle without moving your eyeballs visibly you could actually see things in that angle? IT DIDNT EVEN HAPPEN). I knew cos I was doing that lah. And you know it when you don't feel it. Confirm, not because I am not sensitive, but because it seriously didn't happen la! DAMMIT.

okay, how come I'm becoming so ditzy.

Urghs. Oh nevermind. And to be really truthful, I din't notice her at all except that benny asked me few terms ago to determind if she was a guy or a girl... Yes, but she's more pla in a really butch way than a bung. She's also vietnamese, was in my class for Stats but she sat really far from me. Or rather, I'm always with benny during that class anyway.

Argh, okay nevermind. At least she isnt in my DDM class, she's taking BA and i'm taking marketing.

Doesn't really matter because I hate it most when and especially its just because.

On another hand,
I met Geraint Wong yesterday.

Twas in the car cos I sent eli to sch for her lit paper 1 (oh, tell me abt it. We used to have lit straight 3 hours with half an hour break in between. I still rem I wrote until my hand almost became handicapped. They have it on separate days now! How unfair!) and my car was slowly moving and he appeared from my blind spot trying to cross.

I didn't recognise him at all for the first second. Just these pair of eyes that look bloody familiar. Then it registered the next moment when he smiled and waved. And so, yes I smiled and waved too.

That's all.

Haha, well. I guess he's too busy to cut his hair thats why he's looking so weird. But really, many things seems to flood back after his acknowledgement cos ya know. You've been through so many battles and he's involved in some of the more emotional ones.

A very huge sense of nostalgia and that's very depressing. Especially it's raining a lot these days and its perpectually gray outside, very milanese, yes indeed, xcept the humidity.

*

After so damn long of searching. There is finally one song out there that speaks of my feelings to the heart of blood. (HAHA! what mf engrish is that?)

难道爱就这么沉重
以为它像轻飘飘的解脱
旋转木马情节的小说
总在华丽的瞬间从头
难道情就是这么迷惑
以为它像你纤细的指头
划过了我屏息的眼眸
怎会变成我需要去挣脱
不过是爱上你
不过想在一起
在一起不分离
猛烈的冲撞就封住了心窝
本来我就是一个人来
也习惯一个人
又何苦你要给我那样的吻
或者我醒来也不该当真
你偷走我的灵魂
你不是纯粹那么隆重
是他安排的人
我现在一直对自己这样否认
绝对我不能当作没发生
是谁在暗地里说

*-

不该当真? 真的不该当真?

I refuse to be any more emo than this.
I'm really happy to hear that anyway, thanks.
-.

Don't try to wake my I.D okay? (check: sigmund freud, he's my fav guy of the moment! )

Musik: Baby bash - suga how you get so fly

And yes CANDY. I love you too.

一千万个理由

2006-11-02T06:45:00.000+08:00

It's 645 in the morning and the sun has risen. The tree is swaying so I take it that its pretty windy. No, my curtains are drawn so I wouldnt really know. I just peeped at the opening.

In a very weird way, I like the morning air. I prefer the sunrise things to the sunset stuffs. It's just that because of my very strange body clock, I rarely see both or most of the sunset. But oh wells. I need to go doze for a little bit before I go to hmv and popular to get a few things.

don touched on a very sensitive subject yesterday. Rather, sensitive for me. He couldnt have known cos its in the teaching materials anyway but it hits me quite badly. Made loads of sense, of course and all that. Makes me feel like going into this area of work to save people who are in the same boat as me; ah yes, that is if I can save myself first ain't it?

Or maybe I could prevent it from happening instead. Conduct "how to raise your children" courses, maybe. If you still dont know wtf am I talking about.. It's children psychology. I could raise awareness, maybe.

Question. Is it normal or is it just me?

I onced asked shelwyn is it just me or is my train(s) of thoughts normal. I can have thousands of trains going on at the same time, and I was thinking maybe its just me.

but like what eli said last night, some people just go to school, work, go home, eat work, go home, eat. Oh yes, that's normal of course but the very normal kind. I'm often left wondering how come I don't turn out that way. Its a bit boring but at least its normal. So is it normal? To have loads of questions about everything, to have an opinion on everything, pov on everything. Everything.

Or maybe, im just more inquisive towards life.

oh one more thing, never never tell your children.. " if you do that, i call police and come and catch you."

this is one point that stood out from many others that Don taught yesterday. It creates a sense of fear in your child abt police. They become, subconsiously scared of the police even when they didnt do anything wrong. Thus it induces this thing to counter the fear, to challenge. Like, they commit crimes and get away with it. The whole thing gives them satisfaction because its like, "so what? come catch me if you can lor" kind of attitude.

To digress, you dont know my fear when police pass me on the roads. Not necessarily policemen. Policevan is enough for me to snake-ily cut lanes and lose them outta my sight. Really, tell me about it.

Musik: 伍佰 - 纯真年代CD

mixed.

2006-11-01T06:14:00.000+08:00

I cant help but feel so disgusted.

There are only this many successful cases and even though ive chosen something different from wei jie's but i think there WILL be some motherfucker whose doing the same thing as me. No, using vulgarities does not mean I'm pissed.

Relax, I'm just in a swearing mood today.

It's just tough outside aint it? Here we are, fighting for commercial and political reasons while there are little children out there fighting fot their lives. Truth to be told, I am very affected by this article that appeared on TNP about this 18yr old sgrean girl and her work in afghan.

I've never said but I've considered social work before in one of my list. I don't buy the "giving back to what society have given me" bullshit, but as cliche as it sounds, there are seriously a lot of people in this world that needs help. And this help they need, is real basic life surviving help.

Doesnt it sound very fucked up? Here I am thinking if I should go to cj to get my charsiew rice instead of the hawker opposite and there, kids so young are selling matchsticks on the terrible afghan road?

On the other hand, it sounds as if I am having this serious case of "having nothing better to do" and thinking about all these things. I don't know. It's this confusion that's coming up. Or rather, it's been there for quite a while. The very first input came from no other than Janice Kok because I know for a fact that she's actually trained as a social worker and that's what she actually wants to do for a living. The first time she told me way back when we're in sec 3, there was this stirring, yada yada. In conclusion, I've just decided to come out to talk about this because it comes in conjuction with my thoughts of my future aspects.

I don't mind to get on a trip, not necessarily to afghan but somewhere there to check it out if, really it is for me. BUT first, I've got two huge steps to do. How my parents would take it and how am i gonna handle the environment. It being, I'm sickly and weakly. No seriously, think about it. You know I am sickly and weakly. But ya'know. This isnt gonna be something to stop me from going anyway. I'll deal with it when I'm there.

It's not a thing that I'm doing for fun. It's more like a calling instead. These people need help and I can help. In a very cheeena way, I also dont understand why am I so kaypo and why these kids in their situation appeals to me so. It's not something thats explainable.

However, for everything in the world there always seems to be a "but". BUT what? For extremely selfish reasons, this we all know involves no money. It's not really as if i'm into it for money reasons - cos anyway there's none. And often its more likely that i'll give my own money instead. But to do this full time, ange the city girl wont be able to take it. For very simple reasons why because we're just used this amount of comfort and speed. Or rather, the first world. And to survive in the first world requires all but another type of life skills needed.

So tell me about it. All these can and will be able to coporate into my life. I don't have to choose one over another would I? Maybe one day I would, but lets just start small shall we?

These aside, I need to set off for school in one hour's time for my marketing lecture. Whilst I can pretend to fall asleep because its combined and I'm gonna see eve for the first time in a few months and the first time we're in the same class since donkey years ago. YAY! haha.

I downloaded all Wubai's new songs in his new album but I'm still gonna buy it la. SUPPORT ORIGINAL. :D

纯真年代

2006-10-31T05:57:00.000+08:00

why is it that tickets during christmas time are terribly expensive?

Its nice, maybe, that im in the asian region and, to go anywhere from anywhere in this region is very cheap. Anything outside, the prices are disastrous.

So maybe not, maybe im up for a trip to the abalone island instead of one to tuscany.

伍佰 came up with new stuffs! Its called 纯真年代. OH, so there. I'M BUYING.

I'm gonna get down to my car to get my mp3 to load some songs into there.
Meanwhile, london's ranking high than sydney and paris.

A few days ago:
FM 93.6 was indicated on my car stero.
Candy:" Eh? What radio station is this?"
Me thinking: Radio station??
answered: "huh? its for my FM transmitter" *points to my black berklin.
Candy: "huh? You dont use your sony anymore?"
Me plugs out the whole equipment.

Smacks head. how swaku can you be candy?

Nevermind, I know only Jol understand wtf am I talking about anyway.

For people who are not a regular passangers of mine, you might be the one in the situation candy was in on sunday night. I use a FM transmitter to connect mp3s to be played in the car.

And for people who do not drive/use mp3 or unfamiliar with mp3 car parts, FM transmitter is the one where you plug to your mp3 (regardless brands), tune your car stero and FM transmitter to an unuse station, aligned it and play!

And yes, inspite all of that. I love you too. :D Haha!

eeeee you so into halloween meh

2006-10-28T04:11:00.000+08:00

I dont you know, celebrate angmoh ghost festival but twas a great time over at carnival. and because i refused to climb over the stupid walls at raffles city, my parking money was 8 bucks.
haha, but heck la. when you have to spend, you have to spend.

despite viral infection to my windpipes, i went out to watch the departed with lenny. OMG, being a loyal fan to infernal affairs, the departed is a terrible adaptation of it. urghs. what a waste of my time, ive got to treat him to a nice meal over at my choice next week when my windpipe recovers.

I NEED TRUFFLE. TARTUFO WITHDRAWAL.
oh help.

you might be in pain but not be a pain to others

2006-10-24T04:54:00.000+08:00

how right, i learnt that from a mass email cia sent.
great words, how i wish some people would learn.

im not sure if the generation gap is growing or he's behaving menopausal or im changing too much. but its getting harder and harder to get along with him these days.

maybe it reached the point when you realise your parents are not such nice people after all and really, you just dont want to friend them or just dont want to have anything to do with them. And you cant, because theyre your parents.

things like, "if you choose that path, bear the consequences" is a common language in this house. but why does he act differently from what he preaches? if he choose this way of living, then goodluck very much, bite it in and march ahead.

why does he act as if the whole world is against him and made him land in such situation? if twas anything, you chose it yourself. complaining wont get you anywhere, neither will throwing your temper around everywhere. its not fair to people around.

its one thing to throw your temper and another to direct your temper at somebody. if you wanted out, make decisions. the sky wont change it for you out of nowhere.

whats worse. he's changing. changing to a man i no longer know. maybe thats what they say about how people change constantly. i dont like this man that he changed into. i miss the old man, my old pop.

other news -

i didnt go to heidelberg afterall, which i should have. twas not worth it to cancel it out on not so important things after all. the journey might be bad but this is worse. we hadnt had a proper conversation since we came back. its all in the chops and chips and we're getting all irritated. fuck.

on other news; im excited at starting school again, haha. i want to get new pens! :D

there is something else on my mind, but.. its already oct 24th. not rushing, just asking when.

there are loads of things, i cannot start to begin with. my mind's thwilling non stop, its interuptting my health.

ive been to the new vivo city twice. Gap opened but nothing enjoyable in there, sadly. its totally disappointing and i bought more in paris Gap then LV. Haha! I've got my new playlife jackets, gap sleeping, gap gym. I need a new jeans from ae. Heheh.

The haze is terrible, somebody save me. :(

Sì , Aqua naturale.

2006-10-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

Buona Serra!

After that episode of her terrible inglese and my broken italian comes two more of such conversation that required me to hold on the fone for 20 minutes.

Aside from that, after I changed my flight to accomodate Germany, I then realised I actually cannot go to Germany.

What I will miss is a great party and two very precious friends that I haven't seen since they came to this continent. Tis is a great chance cos pillay is going from london and her flight is way more expensive than mine and after I decided to commit (albeit halfway) wj called and launched the disgusting news.

3rd year isn't fun at all ehs?

I miss eating good chinese food but I get great truffle here (not the oil, the real thing) that we cant find it back home. Yay for that and for playlife and for GAP, and of course for LV.

I'm definitely gonna get something, though its not as if it will compensate me for not being able to fly to Germany. Its the 'since im already in this side of the world, why not? its only an hour anyway' but maybe not this time.

I reserve every other of my europe trips to either fly to germany or eurostar to london or they coming to paris or italy to meet me. I don't care but for now. It's not good cos I just started my year and its not good so set the trend of not handing up my very first pc of work because I promised myself that I will make it a min first lower honours.

I'm gonna have dinner in approx two hours with a few very important people in the very suburban bologna. I don't really give a shit because I can't wait for tomorrow to come. Paris has always been such an attraction, a carrot at the end of the stick.

I'm still sore about not being able to go Germany but I made some very good contacts to ease me in the harsh european society.

i've got to go cos there's someone waiting for quite a while already, and there will be yet another air france call to revert my flight back home.

ALL THE TAX

2006-10-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

i thought my backgrd was olive, but it's black with red words in here in italy. I don't exactly know what happened but its not as if im about to care.

anyway,

ah yes, i'm seated in a very "where is this place" internet cafe with a name of webpuccino. Don't ask me why. The guy's not very friendly though. Other news, I started wearing my playlife jacket. What's more horrendous is I bought two. One in orange and another in black. Aside from that, I spent at body shop too. Got this bath pillow, exciting, no?

The not so good news besides the greatest weather and the not so great roads, I'm not really enjoying myself. Had to fix the ticket problems because my dad suddenly changed his mind about two flights. And its not very nice to talk to the italian girl between my broken italian and her terrrible inglese.

okay, later.

EH, I know you! Oh issit? I don't even know myself you know me ah?

2006-10-12T05:40:00.000+08:00

I don't like Diana Ser's 'Get Real' on CNA. Her interviewing and editing is very cold fish. I don't know if the editing made her came out like that or she really did it like that. It makes me lose interest in it and it makes me go "can you be nicer a bit? The guy went through a lot leh."

I'm going crazy or rather, I'm just getting very zoned out.
I have a lot of places to go to tomorrow and I'm suppose to be up by 1030. Its 6 but I tried sleeping at 5!
There's one person to blame: Jeff Chang.

Its either his music or his voice. Yet another great album from the man himself. It took a while but its pretty worth it.

I went for a midnight drive at 345. Came back an hour later. I just drove around aimlessly. Very aimlessly. And drove very zoned out. I don't remember hitting anyone or riding over any bumps. There was only once where I had to drop back to cut the taxi who wouldnt give way.

Oh, God bless me.

And Jol, I still have NO idea why the guy in the black Merce stared at us - or me rather. I was thinking maybe I hit some poor guy on a bike cos when he was turning out from that small road and I turned into the road I was on the second lane and he was on the leftest so I kept a tad to the right in case I bang him.

So I was thinking if there was any biker on my right (there confirm wasnt any car) and I honestly I don't rem but I am almost sure there wasn't. So its either he thinks I almost banged into his merce (but dude, that was MY ROAD. If anything, he has to WAIT for me to pass before turning out anyway) or that I flashed at him. I have this problem in pressing my signal but I didn't signal what. SO no idea still.

It bugs me, okay.

It hits me much that there are so many @#%$ drivers in sg. Cos my driver kenna complain from this guy who said my driver was travelling onto his lane and make him almost bang into my driver. What rubbish, cant he be more patient and giving to not geh gao this mistake?

Compassion. We lack compassion. Terribly.

There was a very long period of time I couldn't wait to get out for some permanent time. I had no idea what drove me to that thought. Then after I started flying like mad, I thought twas a good thing to just stay in a place that I'm familiar with. With my close cousins very pro-sing, I got infected lah, for a while.

Cos you know, you grew up here and all your friends are here, family here. You know about all town shopping centers and carparks. And how tough it is to exit from, fareast/tangs/scotts carparks during peak hours and conquer newton circus without the damn traffic light.

I still don't understand what the fcuk is wrong with LTA. They install traffic lights every 100 metres and why isnt newton circus's one on forever! Okay, actually I know why. Its to bloody accomodate those who come out from the cairnhill side.

Not to say, the traffic lights at every 100b metres is making our cars consuming much more petrol. According to the lexus guide, it says 12.5Km per litre of petrol. But thats on straight road, okay discount a big bit and we thought it might come out as 10. It came out as 7.2km. Oh yeah, my dad went to do this experimentation.

Haha, well. He was very pissed at our Ford. I can't wait for it to go.

But afterall, maybe not. So I'm still for leaving. The heat isnt here - oh yeah, weather of course but not anything else. There was this article on how a little girl trip and fell at the escalator landing and no one came to help, those who were close just walked away. Where's this compassion?

Com what ah?

Haha.

And Jas's mass email is funny! :D

new brain

2006-10-10T03:38:00.000+08:00

for the next few days after i finish a series or a movie or a book is very nice. because i can stop being myself when im with myself and pretend im somebody else.

so i went to da pao popiah from balestier today. the popiah is great but the jam isnt. a journey that wld take 5 mins took 20. I got stuck in the same traffic light 3 times and another twice!

I have appt with shelwyn tmr but im going to cancel it and i havent told my mother.

im flying on thurs night, so ive got a couple of things to get i guess but the problem is I haven't started packing so im not so sure what i really need to get or want to get.

I've got my stockfull of my locctaine shower gels, so the most impt thing is settled. My clothes are still at clancy until weds. The only other thing I can think of is this necklace that caught my eye at nuomo.

And I've got to avoid wearing the things I need to bring.

OH, I NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL! SO that's where I'm going after fetching eli to sch. And then I'm going to bishan to tapao my orh mee sua.

Then there's the need to get a few new Cds and upload it before I fly and all that.

I'm just feeling very bored and saturated. Sb finally emailed to say she's fine and the pics are gorgeous. Now I wish I'm the one instead. Oh no, rather I'm just feeling the after effects on that damn show.

Sometimes, sometimes more than sometimes I don't feel like I'm actually living. Or is it just that I don't want to really live. Its not that I wanna die either cos it'll be the same won't it? It's not that there's nothing I wanna do either, just that things are getting so routine that it makes you go "whats new?" Besides that, even the things you havent been through and wish to you dont feel like it anymore.

Looks like I won't have to cancel my appt tmr.

And oh one more thing, I hate the haze.

And pirray, are we meeting in paris? Say yes please?

AND GAP IS OPENING! I hope it follows the real Gap and not the singaporeanish dose. It's like, Mango sg is half unrecognisable, at least Zara is somewhat similar, etc.

Cross my fingers and hope they at least follow Japan's Gap :D And please dont tell me size 12 is your largest. I'll faint. If I can find coats in my size in tiny Japan, then I hope I can find it here too. Chances are, the largest is prolly size 12.

people like me and you only watch happy endings.

2006-10-09T02:37:00.000+08:00

my sister hit the spot. we both got so @!#% with the ending of one of my fav tvb series.

Oh tell me, how come its my fav but I dont know the ending, yeah. I dont know the ending. I missed the last two episodes. Haha, but damn. the way they did it, now I dont know if i like it or not already!

poh kim's gonna be my best friend for a while. There a couple of shows that i'd like to get unpirated and the rest i'll just get it from the streets of hk. Haha.

I have 3 months to find a new car or not my dad might just buy a new ford to replace this ford. Second option is a Peugot 307sw. Oh Lord, help me. David Chew didnt work after all.

if only i could live in movies and tv series. wont that be nice?
it used to be enough and what if it stops becoming enough? what would you have to do?

xin zhong de ku, you you shei ming bai?

I need NJstar, not only that. I need to replace the fan of my sony.
Whats more, I'm craving for shilin's orh mee sua.

Maybe we shld go taiwan instead.
Ahh, xiao songggggg... :D

yooodooohoo

2006-10-05T02:14:00.000+08:00

My dad's interested in the RX. Everyday since sunday he's been mentioning it to me.

On Monday, he said David Chew (the lexus salesman) called him and said the Rav4 Deluxe new price is 90K (thought to be estimated 87K initially). So I said that since the new Honda's CRV facelifted is gonna come out soon and price to be at 91K, the old crv might be on sale, so he told me to call KAH motors but I refused to. I do not appreciate the words "Kah Motors Honda" on my car plate.

Tuesday he said David Chew said that the lexus hybrid 400's roadtax is 4K a month despite the rebate of going green.

Today he said David said the RX350 isnt bad either. So I said the Rx400hybrid's petrol consumption 1lit = 12.5Km and if Rx350 can match up, daddy said its possible. :O

In all credit to David, he's a pretty good salesman. A very persuasive one at that. The Rx350 is priced at (if im not wrong) 136K and the Rx400 is 160K. It is 50K to 70K diff from Rav's 90K.

And that amount of money can get me a 1) toyota vios (priced43K), or 2) Mitsubishi lancer (45K), 3) Toyota Corolla Altis 1.8 (60K), 4) Peugot 206 1.4 hatchback (50K) or even 2 China made QQ cars!

We'll see how far David's persuasion go.

Let's start at the beginning. How did my dad, who was not interested in anything higher than his merce/bmw/lexus got interested in a damn SUV who cannot take conering? :D A huge thankyou to steffy ho. hehheh. Although I'm suspiciously suspicious that RX cannot ride over curbs anyway. Its not a 4x4 right?

Ya'know where at some point, luxury becomes neccessity? My dad got slightly obsessed with the quietness of his lexus that he cannot stand sitting in the ford - no matter whose driving. And in the market, there isnt any car that can match the quietness of a lexus. :D

So maybe there is hope!

I need to go to MarksandSparks and TS! Hehheh.

If there's anybody I would like to know, its Chapman To. This serial is the best. :D

I Need - 1. a new laptop 2. a new car 3. a new tv 4. a new stomach 5. a new brain

2006-10-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

A blink and september has come to a close.
I survived those two months - oh congrats ange; youve been brave.

very brave

In the course of slightly more than two weeks, I've almost banged down half a dozen pple, almost crash half a dozen times, and narrowly escaped being bang once, and not run when i'm being attacked by a german shepherd - at that, my good friend's dog.

So I went to test drive a peugeot 307sw(the extended version of a normal 307) today, it has a beautiful glass roof with extended glass to minimise my blind spot. Went to look at the RX400 Hybrid and the Rav4, Ford's new Focus. Like what my dad say, despite seeing so many, we prolly end up with the Rav4. Though the RX400 hybrid's technology is pretty interesting..

To be honest, what caught my eye wasnt anyone of them.. but a damn Land Rover.. Oh steffy, you understand dont you! :D

For the ten thousandth time, I need a new laptop. I'm terribly jealous of cand's new mac. I'm not sure if my vaio can last till next yr end, who am I kidding, of course it can after reformatting but I'm not sure if I want it to last or not.

If you can, catch 2030 dictionary on sunday 12.45am (sunday going on monday) ch.55 It's my fav tv series of the moment :D

sheeoo

2006-09-24T03:59:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, I'm having a headache just choosing which jeans to buy.

Online buying can be quite a hassle. Esp, just because you got the wrong size and/or the thing doesnt flatter you. YOU CANT TEST IT! :(

I'm going to sleep, while thinking if I should get the 148USbucks coat. Which means 300SG after shipping fees.

:(

you pinkycross pwomised

2006-09-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

well. Firstly I've got to apologised to those who got caught up by my hurricane last night. Includes HNG, elilee, charng and of course steffy. Poor thing the innocents, haha! And a huge thankyou to sylmul because her sleeping pills works like magic.

So besides trying to get all of us killed TWICE, I've decided to stop worrying about the fucking taxi (well, maybe not altogether yet) and get on. I'm sorry for the bloody terrible driving skills of mine. Maybe like what g said, I've lost my fire.

I still havent called xy yet because I haven't made up my mind. I really really would like to get there but the freak is, there's this thing coming up next friday.

He called me today. Early in the morning at 10. I was totally sleeping so I was answering it in my sleep, but dammit. I didn't even remember to say thank you at all. What a great end to a might be. Indeed Char. But see, if I decided to throw away the number then why am I thinking so much? The problem is, I've also actually got his house number which I havent erase.

TODAY: I went out with her:

SEXY? Yes, I know it too. Haha! Watched the Banquet and because of my slowness we missed the first 5 minutes of the movie and the mystery still stays. Who the bloody hell killed her?
So yes, its hamlet plus very fantastic kungfu moves that I haven't seen before. And I prefer this to Hero.

My mother's lap's battery is running out and I'm lazy to plug in. Haha. Ja.

OH, I bought the FM transmitter! AND IT WORKS! YAY! :D

Is it Christmas yet? / Mental games

2006-09-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

Well, a couple of news today. Firstly, my trip is delayed till oct 13th because we're attending another fair but this trip will be slightly more than a week; possibly 10 days.

So I might have to find another to fill in the gap between now till mid-oct. Thats almost a whole month; Oh Gwad, if only I had the money!

Secondly, My class schedule is out! 3 day week; wed, thurs and fri. HA. I wonder what jol would say to that. :D I'm missing first week class but who really cares ehs?

Thirdly, I have my christmas off! My term ends on 22nd; which is such a blessing. I wonder what my parents would say if I decide to spend my christmas overseas? What will london christmas be like? :D

Here comes the not so good news.

I went back to psycho and well. I have anxiety problems. Its such terrifying thought to connect with your fear. Its scary as hell, I tell you. I haven't managed to but its about time soon before the same thing happens and I can't stop it.

Everysingle time I try to do that, to just start, the rest of the images will be pushed way back. I've been occupying my brain with things so as to not think about it. But sometimes when I'm not aware it creeps silently back without any warning scaring me out of my wits and then like a magic broom I sweep it all under the carpet like it doesn't exist. My goosebumps stands but I hide under my covers and pretend its a whole new world.

It takes hell lot of courage and I found out that maybe after all I dont have enough courage and wits to get through it. Maybe after all, I'm not as strong as I thought. To be weak is to fail so maybe I'm nearing the garbage dump I've been trying so hard to avoid all my life. Or even maybe, I've always been in it.

There is such a fine line to be not confident, confident and over confident. You could cross from being not confident to over confident and over confident to no confidence without even passsing by the medium. Its when you turn out of control and not being able to handle it.

I confess that I don't handle it well and and when it strikes. I try my best but its just not good enough. To be really good in controlling it I have to face it right in the face. I have to live through it in my mind a thousand times but sometimes its just too horrible to go through.

I don't exactly know what I'm saying but I just would like to tell you. If I don't pass it this time round it has nothing got to do with my skill or technical ability but rather my mental problems interferring.

Can ya'll understand that? Would ya'll not blame me if I dont? and even comfort me if I dont?

I don't know how many times I need to pass it. It might be even up to 10 times just because I cannot overcome this problem of mine that I have in my head. I'm sorry if I don't make it asap but I'm just gonna damn well try my best to fight against the demons in my head.

I can't tell you how fucking scary it is or how scared I actually really am. But I am. Such bold public acknowledgement of me being vulnerable, haha.

But no. Its not only scary because its there and you know you're waging a war. Not a physical internal battle with germs where you could sleep it off but one which youre awake and aware of every single second and not even knowing what the hell its gonna happen.

Its like playing chess blindfolded with yourself, with your second brain that you've got no control over. It makes me wonder who the hell is controlling my brain if I'm not the one doing it? Whats worse; you're fighting this alone. And that's the truly scary part.

IS IT ME?

2006-09-15T04:38:00.000+08:00

I re-open the envelope that pillay gave me the night at acid and I looked into that picture properly for once. Even though its a fucking ugly shot (if I put it up, everybody in the photo will come after me!), it actually reminded me why I joined LADS in the first place.

Landing in JCRC was much to tracie's 'leadership' but following back in sn was my own - without much thinking I confess. Nevertheless, that picture taken when I was at my happiest in there. Things were never stable because of a certain somebody but who'd thought I'd be in the same cca as my pri 1 'friend', but mainly who would thought I'd get two great friends from there?

First

2006-09-14T04:10:00.000+08:00

I watched a movie alone today. Yes, my first. Apparently when I announced the idea to Lady Plankton and Lady Seaweed a week ago while we were watching before sunrise, twas like nothing surprising. So there, I had to try it for myself.

Caught Singapore Dreaming, and guess what. There's this good looking guy who sitting 1 seat away from me and also, watching it alone. I had to pass him to get to my seat, and thats how I knew. HEH. Its therapeutic actually. But maybe it was a tad too therapeutic when I watched Lim Yu-Beng it kinda remind me of Mark. Ah yah, jolly's Mark. haha! Maybe its the head shape. And Richard Low is actually a very good actor. Despite what the filmmakers say about not being able to get back their money cos nobody does except Jack Neo, I sincerely hope they would.

I've got J.T's futuresex/lovesounds but I don't know why he has such a title for a title. And this search for Radio Mundial's CDs is making me a bit crazy. SG is International ain't it?! Then why is it so GdamnbloodyMFtough to get their latest CD?!

I now know where exactly Partap is. Ya'know about those mfrich indians in India that party all night long, smoking weed and driving exciting cars? Partap belongs to that. Haha! Back in India now and I can't believe I acty miss him. I wish I was part of that weed world too. He's currently located somewhere near the Himalayas in Chandigarh City North India Punjab State. AND not coming back anymore he says.

Its Thursday already. In 20 minutes I would have to get out of my house to pick Pirray up to the airport. This is the day when the Ladies Of The Woh-ter is gonna have to say goodbye for a little while. I don't know how long this little while would be - might be 3 months, 6 months or even a year. I'm speechless acty. I don't say but this is the exact way I'm feeling.

I'm going to change now and write a note to paste on my door. I don't know if I can get to sleep when I come back from the airport thought; was thinking maybe I could get to the gym to work this thought off and these thoughts off too.

Ladies in the Water.

2006-09-09T02:01:00.000+08:00

Besides getting shucked in, yet again, by sheldon I'm up to nothing much. I can't touch the pool for a week, I can't gym for a week plus 16 tabs a day for a week.

When my dad say my grandfather had to take so much meds until his breakfast was meds, I totally understand it now.

List up to ten things you want to say to ten different people in no particular order. Do not state who these people are.

1. I love you but I'm gay

2. I lied once to you, but you already know that. What you don't, is that all others were the truth.

3. I feel you drifting away, do you still love me? Can you come back to me please?

4. Grow up. Enough with all this talk, if you really wanted to die, you would have been dead long ago.

5. would you please make all these stop? I'm so sick of getting sick all the time.

6. I saw your smile harden when I walked past, pretending I didn't know you. And in that moment, I knew I've already lost you. I knew I should have stopped and say something, probably I could hug you and ask you if we could start again but I didn't. I don't know why.

If I could turn back time, this wouldn't have happened. I promise. I can't start to tell you how bloody hell much I miss you, how you've created a greyhellhole drilled through my heart that never got mended. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for me, sorry to you. Sorry for the us that didn't happen.
If there was anybody at all, it could only be you.

7. Would you just tell me straight in my face and not pretend its all okay? I wouldn't know if you don't say right?

8. I hate it when you lie on my shoulders, I'm not a fucking pillow.

9. I'm scared. I'm so scared of meeting you on the streets because I wouldn't know what to say.

10. Long Long time ago, I never once asked myself when is this gonna end. I thought it was gonna be like this forever. Thank God its over now.

2006-09-07T01:27:00.000+08:00

The whole world is on Steve Irwin right now. I don't know why he went so close to the bloody stingray, doesnt he know? God Bless him and the people he left behind.

On another note, me and sb are sufferin from sore throats that possibly came from pillay, according to sb. I don't think mine came from her totally though because I was screaming my head off at wubai's concert. That's not tough to cure tho. So maybe 1+1=2.

The other thing is I might be sufferin from vertigo and I think its the fault of my ear stuff. I don't exactly know how to explain but something went off tangent in my ear and thats why I'm feeling so dizzy; as if the world's spinning and I'm spinning.

I have driving tomorrow and I hope I'm fine for it.

My mother booked air tickets for her and her siblings. Both me and eli rejected though and that warrant a late visit from my dad to my room where eli's applying moisturiser on me while being on the comp.

Maybe, just maybe. They're not used to us not travelling with them when they asked for the trip. Well, if my schedule allows I might. Haha! I told my dad I would but chances are slim. I might not even make it to go Egypt. Well see, if I used my classes as excuse not to go china then I can't say I can miss class for Egypt right? Oh damn.

I've got a couple of things to do but I dont think I'm giving a damn. I'm just going to sleep. Ha.

伍佰!

2006-09-03T02:50:00.000+08:00

TWAS EVERYTHING I EXPECTED, AND MORE!

Like I said, the best performer in Asia deserve his name. I would have prefered him alone so he could belt out more songs but zhang zhen yue's collaboration with McHotdog was a pretty good one. Their music have a very togetherness in them.

Who else in Asia can get the whole place full of singaporeans on their feet rocking the night away? After Wubai came out I never sat back on my chair.

Even the ah ma who was located on the $148 (next block, I was on the aisle of my $128) was standing up with THREE light sticks waving and dancing away.

I'm terribly glad he came to sg. And he said he wanted the concert to be a full 3 hr and it was. Started late, as usual but thank god because I was late.

Expo isn't the best place to have a concert but then again, if its wubai on the stage I don't really give a damn.

I hope he continues giving out such music because there won't be anybody like that after him. You'd prolly slice me if I said he's gorgeous, but he IS.

This time his hair is longer than it used to be. For the very first song he wore his jacket and sat there to sing. Hair so very rebonded that he could really pass off for those boys in boybands. After that he returned to the normal 伍佰 we all know. Haha. Before I forget to add, 伍佰's band called China blue is a actually a pretty good band. Great spinner!

我爱伍佰!

Here's four songs from him. It's not a genre thats popular with young kids nor english speaking dudes. Then again, ... (click on the title to download.)

伍佰 - 浪人情歌 (His extremely popular chinese rock hit)
伍佰 - 墓仔埔也敢去 (It's a very popular hokkien rock from 伍佰)
伍佰 - 白鴿 (This is a song which 伍佰 personally like it a lot, so says he during the concert.)
伍佰 - 素蘭小姐要出嫁 (One of my personal fav from him, its a very hokkien folk rock kinda song)

See ya'll on tues then. I'll go pack my stuffs and meet both of them in approx 6 hours. :D

It isnt!

2006-09-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

so the pain from my right throat is an ulcer, and my dad thinks that the meds are pretty strong but I actually hope he'll give me steroids.

I went in to Kino today planning to buy Jason Han's second instalment of saffy and amanda but the first book that caught my eyes was SQ21. The book son told me last night and of course I bought it.

Great book, full of inspirations and there is this few empty pages that you could write your story in. I'm so tempted to write mine, but I don't think so unless I have a place to keep it safe and secure. My mother has a HUGE tendency for flipping things thats not hers.

Its also through this book I suddenly have an idea what I actually would like to do. I wished I had IB, with good results of course. Its like a passport to places you want to go. It's gonna sound very fluffy but I wish to study Philosophy then probably do Le Cordon Bleu. In which exact sequence I have no idea but really.

Like what son said last night, I don't want to get pulled down by the typical singaporean pattern of "one life one job". So it is possible that I switch left and right, and I would probably have to do that. I'm easily bored at one job.

But then there's yet another singaporean logic of having to measure passion (and/or interest) against money. There are things I would like to do, majors I would like to study but that measured against money isn't justifiable. You know what I mean?

Like, actually the idea of wanting to study philosophy has been around since secondary school, but I have no idea why I didn't want to take the jc route, maybe twas soo standardise and I wanted to be different at that pt of time (and prolly still even now). And of course, at that pt of time I didn't know about IB.

Surprise? My family aren't very typicalised but overseas education has been considered as a no-no because of my cousin's horrible track record. So there, ignorance probably cost me a future that I would have liked.

I have a year to go so there is probably a few options I would like to consider. Lse offers philosophy logic and scientific method! Masters of Philosophy from King's College or maybe BA maths and philosophy. I wonder if the finance department of the prime minister will employ me despite my record?

It sounds terribly disgusting but dammit the maths one sounds damn good but that's BA and it takes too long. If I go for Ma phil then its only 1 year and then maybe I can continue Le Cordon Bleu there too?

Heh, omg. Suddenly the world sounds much more exciting!

Haha! :D

I've of course also bought Jason Han's for a beach bum chick lit for my bintan trip. Oh yes, its bintan again.

I'm terribly glad tho that we're going on this trip because it might be a little while before we all get hook up again. My schedule next year is unknown till this oct. And my finances are strain till probably next year, or until I decide to get a job.

Well, maybe for travelling purposes I have to indeed sacrifice my princess status. Dammit.
Oh whatever Angela.

And I have this lil .. mmms, aspiration if you'd call that when I was younger to become somebody involve in fireworks. Like, the creation of it. I wonder what do you have to study to do that? hmms.

Musik:Adios La pido - Juanes

2006-08-31T05:52:00.000+08:00

So i suspect that i might have an ulcer on the back of my right side throat this time, and that is after recovering from thonsilities on my left side. and both within the bloody week. to add to that misery, I've got another ulcer on my inner lips on the left side.

HOW WEAK CAN A WOMAN GET THESE DAYS!
:(

Funny how I'm more concentrated on my europe trip than... something else of more importancy. Hmmms.

WOMAD 2006!

2006-08-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

My dearest Candy, unfortunately I wasn't lying. (:

Womad was pretty fantastic, even though it's a sunday night. When most singaporeans have to work the next day and thus the crowd are filled with angmohs as well as a handful of locals. :D

Which was good because they were very intune. So we were totally absorbed into Radio Mundial's stage performance. Haha! Damn good ya'know. Latin funk, their mentor is nobody else but Carlos Santana! Their link is on the right.

My parents bought me and eli WuBai&ZhangZhenYue's concert tix alr! :D Its next saturday and I can't wait. Then sunday I'm going for a mini holiday.

Now, I'm going to watch tv.

Musik: RadioMundial - Bombo
*oh, radiomundial's website gives out free "bombo" full mp3. Go there to dload okays!
They're seriously fantastic. :D

Sometimes I feel guilty for being alive.

2006-08-24T01:55:00.000+08:00

I shld make that sentence on a postcard and sent it to postsecret.

Its the usual its-alr-august-what-happened-to-the-8-months-that-passed?!
And where-did-my-resolution-went.

OMFG, I've been flipping my resolution post from lj and I found it. If you'd remember;

27 December 2005 @ 03:33 am

Have a nice day

Welcome back, NG.

I am finally sober. (:

I'm waiting for zouk on weds! :D

I am also suppose to post retardking's photo on but photobucket is currently notworking so I've gotta wait.

The few confirmed resolution for 06
1) get back to school ; and
1A)Register for my exams ONTIME;
2) successfully getting into 3rd yr ;
3) getting my f-long awaited license;
4) watch the world cup

not forgeting I have 2 modules under evilTan.
I've got to trump him.

Current Mood: restless

Current Music: Craig David - Don't Love you no more

Oh my! There's a secret number 5 that Jol knows but since its secret... right? Haha! And I've successfully completed number 1, 1A and 4! I'm on my way to number 3, and regarding number 2; when my result comes I'd know! (And, if you really want to know I am no where near to my no.5)

(And Don sent me this completion letter saying I've completed what modules and what for my second yr) But I don't think results are out yet since its been only 13 days from the time of my exam. Even though I've got my A for the assignment but doesnt point to anything either right?

Anyway, this is the first time in my life I'm following so bloody closely to my resolutions! And maybe there isn't enough, haha! :D

*

I need to find a good coat and its proving to be tough to find. I need a good shirt, and that is also proving hard to find. Raoul has good shirts but the sizes are too small. My breast are so ready to pop the buttons. The only other way is to go Raoul Men and alter it to my size.

I should visit Figaret too! Which I would, probably within this week.

I need to find a good tailor to make a skirt too. And its tough because I want my skirt to be made of scarf.

And then, I need to buy new jeans. I went to fcuk, Esprit, Armani Jeans and I've seen nothing. Maybe G-star next.

Oh momma. I am very tired. And there might be a call for me at 9am. Bloody Mr tan called at 8 plus and said (without any pre-emblem) "ni ming tian you kong ma".

wa lan eh. now showing gui lai dian on ch56 lor. wtf? haha.

nights.

红杏劫!

2006-08-23T03:03:00.000+08:00

Oh my! There is a chinese version of the movie Unfaithful by Richard Gere, Olivier Martinez and Diane Lane! The story line ain't the same totally but the plot is the exact same one.

Wife have affair, have family, husband finds out, went to find the guy to talk it out, then ruffle and hussle, the guy died. Haha!

It's called 红杏劫, the english title is "A Quick Step to Passion". Haha! So Cheesy!

BUT the girl in this chinese version is my Sister Grapes! (葡萄姐) Her real name is 邓萃雯. She acted in 金枝欲孽 as the tyrant 如妃娘娘.

Awww, haha. (:

I feel like grooving to the R&B tunes. Hehheh. :D

2006-08-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

just because, Just because. Ha!

1. One book you have read more than once
Cheaters by Erick Dickey Jerome. To date, I’ve read the book 15 times; always with NSYNC’s NSYNC CD playing at the back (and usually raining). It’s how truthful the book is that strikes me, how close to reality that its portrayed and the different angles he showed sets me thinking.

2. One book you would want on a desert island
The Riverside Shakespeare, the whole truckload of everybits then. Everything for everything, right or not? Voilà!

3. One book that made you laugh
Breakfast @ tiffs by Truman Capote. Holly is very cute, certainly. I know its a story but sometimes its more than a story ain't it? I like that she eats her breakfast whilst looking at tiffs, and her goal of finding a place like tiffs cos it makes her feel at home. I wish I could not think about things like money, and go round the world looking for my own tiff - and also housing lil parties wherever I am, and maybe I'd try to forget my keys too.

4. One book that made you cry
Luna by Julie Anne Peters. It's like an injection that goes straight to the heart, my heart. I wish...

5. One book you wish you had written
The Naked Face by Sidney Sheldon. Its not actually that I wished I wrote but I kinda hope I had that “thing” in me to be able produce such work.

6. One book you wish had never been written
David Beckham’s pictorial? Haha, that includes endless photos of him - in the field, at home, with Posh, with clothes, and of course, without em. To me, there ain't anything that's "not" to be written. More like, they're not suppose to be printed - anything that doesn't have a soul and anything that a soul isn't put in.

7. One book you are currently reading
I'm not actually reading anything now. I finished Sheldon's Best Laid Plans last night but there is a book I'm halfway though. Every Breath you take by Judith McNaught. I actually stopped reading that book at page 88 because I’m so distracted by all other stuffs. From when I stopped that book, I’ve finish 3 Sheldon and 1 Lisa Kleypas.

8. One book you have been meaning to read
Vanishing Acts by Jolie Picoult. I went through Sister’s Keeper sometime ago and its too soon, too poignant to read yet another one of this. In a while, maybe. Soon, I say. I’d say I finish SK some, let’s see, 1 year ago?

9. One book that changed your life
The Darkest Longings by Susan Lewis. I bought the book myself when I was 11. I remember mph at, I don’t remember where (probably Heeren actually). T’was the biggest bookstore to me at that pt of time, and I remember they had books so neatly stacked. Susan Lewis had two rows to herself. I can’t find this scene anymore and yes, it makes me feel so nostalgic.

It changed my life, because it’s the first book I picked up when I was 13. My reading journey started from there. My second book was Just Friends by Robyn Sisman, I took it to school and Annabell saw. She borrowed then books started to flow. To cut the story short, Sylmul then brought her Judith McNaught, then the wind started blowing,

10. Now tag five people
I don’t actually think anyone but if you feel like, go ahead.

I could get so losts in books sometimes. Cos some tell tales so poignant that leaves me speechless. Everyone has a secret, I found out my own secret through stories told by people. A secret so secretive that I didn't even know.

*
Okay, I think I've managed to corner my sister into going 伍佰&张震岳 with me. How can anyone miss a concert like that? They're both very powerful performers! :D

Musik: Nelly Furtado ft Timbaland - Promiscuous
(oh, i like Timbaland's music!)

彻底把你给忘掉

2006-08-19T06:22:00.000+08:00

your words used to be my silk cocoon,
caressing me till no end.

Oh yes, so baidu has been great.
So has mtvtaiwan. I like that they play 183's I'm so hot MTV this often.
Mingdao is certainly very good looking.

And there are some things I've got to do and those are bloody irritating things that I absolutely loathe to do. Booking for a trip can get oh so fustrating, sometimes. Its, this airline that's cheaper, and that airline thats better in service, ohwatsoever.

I'm gonna try for KLM, this way I get to tranfer over at Amsterdam! OH fishy hell, I haven't been to Amsterdam! Suddenly, end sept sounds very far away but it really isnt, is it?

Damn, I'm gonna miss you both hell lot. :(

When is nov07 gonna come? It's my own fault anyway. If I've been veron, I could have hand my thesis this nov and fly next year! 'twas inevitable I guess?

Musik: X'tina - Ain't no other man

Siboney

2006-08-16T03:41:00.000+08:00

I've finally gotten my 2046's OST! :D

My mind's about to be blown out by the series of ghostly advertisments in quick succession. It freaks me out like nobody's business. No matter what channel you're on, you'd get it without a doubt. Even on MTV! It pops out from nowhere! Weird, isn't sg tv friendly and PG?

If I want to watch those kind of shows I can jolly well tune into a channel that shows them, there isn't a need to blast them on cable tv, demand tv, and even my favourite 62 is plagued with chinese vampires jacking out from nowhere, especially during this sensitive period.

I found my trinity pendant that I bought from this shop that sells catholic stuffs in Rome just some 10 second walk from the enterance of theVantican. I've got to get a good necklace first though.

*

In an ironic tone; this new campaign is not very original but daring (da dan chang shi), I guess.

http://men.style.com/news/style/081406

lehlong...

2006-08-15T09:06:00.000+08:00

OH fishy hell, thank the Lord!

THE DATE, that we've been all waiting for is out.
1.55pm@ 20th sept.

I wonder, how the hell am I gonna wake up. It means I've got to have my warm up at 1230pm!
Oh goodness grace, sacrifices!

It almost clashed into my eurotrip, thankGod my dad had two schedules. One is to set off on the 19th, the other to set off on 21st. The former one being easier on the physical health and mental mind, but oh well, I better pass to atone; yet another pressure.

Chill it, I think I'm gonna relax and start next week.

And oooh, how I like J.T in sexy black and ming dao in 183club's I'm so hot. Haha, waddaya say? :D

Yeah

2006-08-14T01:54:00.000+08:00

OH HOOGASHAAGA, the exam is over! Well, it hadn't gone too bad.

Now, I'm having some free time before he gets the new date for my retest. Actually, I'm not in a rush to get my license just that I hope it doesn't fall when I'm going to Europe. Missing Europe isn't quiet worth it for a license at this moment (but of course if we're talking in the long run its something else).

Well, if you have time, please do watch kuai le xing qi tian (Happy Sunday) and ch56 at 8pm the coming friday. XIAOSONG is gonna do breakdancing! (OMG!, yes, OMG!)

Okay, so I've got my k800i. They changed the bloody memory card to a phone card and that makes me uber pissed off. I expected they'd be the same but it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. And it seems as if this particular sony ericsson phone is damn bloody popular, I went to the shop to ask for a film cover he said its sold out. Woo.

To be serious, comparing this model to k750i, I still prefer my k750i. T'was a heartache to sell it, indeed. The colours look a tad kiddish in k800i though.

So there, my half month plan for August compromises of 3 times a week gym, once a week avocado eating, massage, and of course my Sidney Sheldon. Congratulations to me, I currently have his full set of books! And if my date for the d-test comes in end of August, then my plan would include twice a week sessions too.

Then my first two weeks of sept will still include 3 times a week gym, once a week avocado eating, massages, and sidney sheldon plus Lisa Kleypas and judith mcnaught. Not forgetting I've got to get a new pair of jeans and belt, plus my addidas samba before I fly.

Then the next two weeks of sept I'm away! When I come back from Europe, I'll start school!

The above plans consist of 1) my driving date dont clash into my last two weeks of sept, and 2) I pass my MC module and successfully go into 3rd yr!

And oh, I've bought my new bra already. A T-shirt bra though, cost me 129 bucks. :S

I still don't know the mystery of U turns and buttons; they just match up don't they? Haha!

Mosik; Soler - 直覺

Dance with me

2006-08-11T03:17:00.000+08:00

Its 4am in the morning and truthfully, I'm feeling a bit sieh. Its not that i'm drunk but I'm so stoned by all the information my brain has to adsorb. I woke up to to a terrible headache this afternoon and I've no idea why. I know I didnt have a very good dream though.

My brain is just not condition enough this period. I've got to cross my fingers, and even though I'm not gonna have my exam in the hall I don't actually think I'm gonna cheat. Its not worth the risk.

All the images I have in my brain now comes in slips of flashes. One of them includes my bed, another have me walking down from LV to the Champs. I've decided to get at least one new pair of jeans (I saw one from fcuk and another from vs), a new coat, a new bra, and of course a new pair of shoes from addidas all before my sept trip to europe! Oh, how I miss that place.

Not forgetting to get new sleeping stuffs from Gap and of course, and hopefully another new pair of jeans. Its these thoughts, nowadays that keeps me alive, and of course. Sidney Sheldon. I wonder what I'd do without his books, now that im approaching towards the end of his collection. If only life can be only about all the things you love doing!

It's all nice and fluffly until the thought of money comes to mind. Spoils it all doesn't it?

Yesterday was the first national day that I didn't get to watch the parade. Last year I got out of jail just in time anyway.

Oh yeah, its been a year since I walked out of the bars. Hard to phantom how it became something of quite the past but the shadow looms around still, never quite got out of it. So I celebrated it by going to jb with a few closest friends, which we ended up kenna summon by some fucktards. That aside, we should look forward to another one soon!

Oh and seriously, scribbles is really really cute but the size of razzel is something that I can't quite believe. She's so small! Syl almost stepped on her. No, she didn't come close but she yelped and went "she's so small!".

I don't know how sheldon does it but he hits emotions right on the spot that its too scary to believe it sometimes. Emotions that one goes through, and now that I'm feeling something, his words hits exactly how I feel. Does he go through it or he fantasize it?

Suddenly, I feel suffocated even though I'm free. Its as if the world isn't big enough. I can run, fly to somewhere else but I would still get the same feeling. It's as though the earth isnt big enough, I'm looking for somewhere that's bigger. Would I still feel like that even if I'm license to fly around space (without the rocket) ? Chances are prossibly yes. It's not physical freedom, its possibly mental (and heart) freedom I'm searching for. Freedom within myself.

Tough job, Angela.
I'm going back to my books.

Mosik: Dance like this - Claudette Ortiz ft Wyclef Jean
Ost: Dirty Dancing; Havana Nights

Living in its fantasy

2006-08-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

you know how an origami can fold into itself and becomes something else? Human brains can get so complex that it sometimes doesnt even understand itself, so when dealing with something it can't cope, it searches for some alternatives that's sometimes not known to common knowledge.

One of the best is when it enfolds into itself and starts to live in its own world because it can't continue coping with how the outside world treats it. When its totally shuts up tight, it is totally self sufficient. That, is the mystery of it.

What would it like to be to live that way? It'd be so comfortable this way that it might not want to get out of it, or go anywhere or try anything else. It sounds damn good.

*

skype is quite cute; meanwhile its 8 hours more to go.

Can you read my mind?

2006-08-07T01:39:00.000+08:00

I was searching for my page of Anne Frank's words from her diary that I copied some 4 years ago.

Then suddenly it dawned on me that I didn't need that anymore because I've moved on from there. My recent quotation comes from Sidney Sheldon instead, I don't know if its progression or regression; but it speaks the closest.

From Sidney's when tomorrow comes;

" "What you need is a friend who kin he'p you outta trouble." She smiled, showing a gold front tooth. Her voice was soft. "Someone who knows their way around the zoo."
Tracy looked up into the black woman's grinning face. It seemed to be floating somewhere near the ceiling.

*

It was the tallest thing she ever seen.
That's a giraffe, her father said.
They were at the zoo in Audubon Park. Tracy loved the park. On sundays they went there to listen to the band concerts and afterward her mother and father took her to the aquarium or the zoo. They walked slowly, looking at the animals in their cages.

Don't they hate being locked up, Papa?
Her father laughed. No, Tracy. They have a wonderful life. They're taken care of and fed, and their enemies can't get at them.
They looked unhappy to Tracy. She wanted to open their cages and let them out. I wouldn't ever want to be locked up like that, Tracy thought.

*

At 8.45 the warning bell rang throughout the prison. Tracy's cell mates began to undress. Tracy did not move. "

- -

Now I know why I'll never ever visit Zoos or anything alike, its bloody cruel.

Push me and then just touch me, till I can get my

2006-08-06T00:59:00.000+08:00

SATISFACTION

why, this is THE song on our previous road trip to our truly asia; Malaysia. We lacked just bright blue ah-beng led lights that trips. Haha!

Our next one is just coming on weds, I can't wait; TOTALLY! :D

So there, I've got no idea why I took so long to upload my haloscan, or even why I choose not to have one at first but here it is anyway! Verbal vomit is available at pourations shambalah! (thats the title of my haloscan).

I've got two long pages list of things to buy from VS, includes; Jackets, Shirts, Top, Tees, Bras, Jeans! Not forgetting I have yet to get my addidas samba; and thankgod, that particular heels from NUE is STILL on 40% discount - the problem is its not on the display shelf anymore. The salesgirl said she'll call when she checks it out for me and damn, its been one day and still no call! eeks.

I seen a dozen pairs of heels I can get but I still havent manage to get any clothes for my cousin's wedding in early dec. I'm looking for something Indie, Quirky, Jeansy with a tad Bungish, Girlish and Glimmerish enough for a wedding!

I'm opting for a indie man appeal in the morning though.

And at night, it's got to be quirly, indie, glimmerish to, again, match with yet another pair of heels. (If only I can find back that particular green silk pants from British India but that was more than a year ago so I don't think so.) I've got to find from somewhere else; don't forget I need a great looking jacket.

It's all about being QUIRKY, right pirray? :D

Mosik: Shakira - Animal City

but you keep frightening me

2006-08-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

And again, Sean Paul is rocking, our tevees with give it up to me and, unfortunately not with me. Why does it seem I'm the only one who thinks he's much better looking before he lost those weight?

There's gotta be some conspiracy with the japanese packed processed foods, why do they always taste so good despite being packed and processed? If only southeast asian food would taste this good. Imagine, packed air tight barchormee that taste exactly like 85 after adding water? Oh, you get me totally do you?

I've suddenly realised how my life is such a plateu bore, so I've decided to do something new. Although I'm not exactly sure what yet.

I've been checking my phone excessively these few days because I'm waiting for a call from a certain number, but it has not arrived obviously and I think its gonna arrive on monday. I'm more than anxious to know my next date but I think he wants me to rest first.

Great show on 62, one of my favourites with wu zheng yu in it. Actually most movies with him are pretty great movies.

I'm thinking along the lines of getting a new personal desktop; so much it seems very unrealistic though. I like vaio A a lot but its not like I'm going to bring it along with me to sydney or even london or paris when I fly. My current vaio S is still working but its in its 3rd year and so things gets a lil screwed up sometimes.

Its not the right time to get a new laptop or a desktop, so I guess I'll stick through with my vaio S for the year. And keep buying CDs, just because I don't want to risk downloading.

Mosik: www.live365.com

red beans

2006-08-04T00:31:00.000+08:00

Its been such a frustrating week.

My marketing exam is on next friday, I still don't know when is my next driving test. I'm not too worried though. I've got to have a rest and try to forget about it.

shambalah

2006-08-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

Shambalah is a tibetian word that means a place where there is no aging, no anger, only harmony and peace. Which is translated to mordern day word; shangari-la.

That's the place I need to be at, my dad joked he wanted to migrate there. Haha, how I wish there was such a place.

So there, I scored an immediate failure for something I didn't exactly do. He said I mounted the kerb, I argued. End Of Story. I wish he'd call me and tell me when's my next test date soon because I can't be bothered to pretend to be so nice anymore.

It's the 7th month, and my driving instructor told me that this month is the bad month and next month is technically not counted. Aiyoh, so I got misled.

But anyway, I'm going out with pirray for lake house. Oooh yeah, no foxy - thank the Lord!

And I miss you, gg goh.

skandal.

2006-07-31T02:59:00.000+08:00

loads have happened in the last few days; I don't particulary want to recount.
Short story is that, my grandma is hospitalised; but she's pretty alright, just diabeties type 2 (too much sugar) Then my sister has suspected diabeties type 1 (too much insulin, too low sugar). Right. What's with the sugar business and my family?

Anyway, SCANDAL IN SPRING is OUT! OHYEAH! I have it in my comp since 3 hours ago! Haha.

There are a few things I wanna buy. Bra from VS, a nice white shirt from VS, a new shoe from addidas, a another new shoe from stella mCcartney, a new pair of green shiny heels from nue. The fantastic problem is; I think GSS is over?

Tuesday is my big day; but I've got to be up at about 7am later to hospital then driving then gym, then I'm coming home to eat my maggi mee then sleep till tuesday 2pm. Then I'm gonna wake and bombard gylynngohweelin with so many calls she'd ask me to stop calling. haha!

After that, cross my fingers pray to God and hope I pass.

THEN, I wanna go to a nice yakitori place and eat my fill.
My mom says if I pass on tues she'll treat me the 101 burger at uberburger. HAHA, yes. Indeed, THAT one-oh-one $ .

Then, missy goh tells me I can't disappoint her.

I'll get back to you on tuesday night.

k soon?

2006-07-28T03:01:00.000+08:00

I alternate from being frantic rising to hyperpanic then outburst of tears and slowly back to normal. I think I'm going crazy from all the stress ive got. If so and so can pass manual first time why can't I? And judging from her seh, I guessed she really wasn't stressed out at all.

And maybe, just maybe, this is the key to passing. I don't now why I'm being so !!! anyway.

Okay, meanwhile I've been busy fighting some inner and outer demons. I'm not too happy when its this time of the year, I'm feeling insecure, scared. Very scared because I'm sensitive. But if Aimee said its not that bad, then I guess its not that bad. :(

I've got driving tomorrow. I prolly need to company my grandma to a doc, the unconfirmed homies dinner, and I wanna go to the gym too.

I bought a 120bucks worth of roses for my mom and I need to collect money from my dad and my sis; that aside, my florist is a pla. I don't know if its "jay" or "jae" or jst "j" but thats her name, not bad looking but I wouldn't want a florist as my so and so because I'm allegic to pollengrains. :(

Other news, a certain Mr James approached me in the gym. Well, he's the usual goodlooking beefcake trainer and I'm surprised he acty came and talk to me because I'm not exactly anywhere near pretty or skinny. Not as good looking as Mr standardcharted though, but I didn't leave number anyway. End Of Story.

OHMY! NSYNC byebyebye Mtv's playing. This album came out when I was 13! Great pop work at that pt of time though.

second news, Milan's verdict have been minused since the appeal. 8 point deficit, but it shouldn't be a big problem anyway. Since the only other club that comes head to head with Milan is Juve - and theyre in serie B now. OH yeah, we might be able to play in Champions League anyway! Decision will be out on 2nd Aug.

Okay, I'm sleepy. If anyone wants to K, call me along. (:

Jingies and Sizzies

2006-07-22T09:09:00.000+08:00

Whats new? As usual I haven't slept since I don't know when. I was pretty tired after meeting cand but I came online checked the usual writers and I found a couple. Stuck myself on this story Carson wrote that includes 7 parts, started at about 4AM (after catching xiao song on tv) and finally completing it at 9AM.

I'm due to leave for school in 53minutes exactly.

The greatest news I've probably heard in this whole depressing week is that they're not going to charge me for my vaio's spare parts. They're going to change the motherboard for me since it conked out. Besides this, Pirlo and Kaka should be and would be staying in Milan, plus me getting my K800i when my parents gets back.

-

I was just wondering how did life suddenly gets so complicated out of nowhere? Is it the culture in the schools or the steps that sg is taking as we step into the future?

I think back to what my dad said before; that my mother is a very conservative person. All she hopes is that we have a stable job and that we stay close as a family unit and not go around trying to be funny.

Poor mom because she got a ex-paikia for a husband, a bisexual daughter who can't be good to save her life and another lesbian daughter whose deeply buried in denial.

It kind of all burn down to people's wants and needs; selfishness and generousity, I think. I don't deny I'm missing my mom but at the same time I'm glad she's away because this week has been exceptionally bad, this way, she gets to take a rest.

Meanwhile, I'm running out of hands to juggle things here. I have a pair of hands but I'm juggling 50 balls. I'm starting to lose my senses and my brain.

I'm so tired, I need such a good break - an escape away from my surroundings, my environment, my house, my people, my relatives, my friends and most importantly my own self. I'm bored of seeing myself in the mirror everyday, I need a new set of everything.

For startes, I need a new set of egyptian cotton Queen size bed sheets complete with quilt cover, pillows (three, to be exact) and bolster casing. Preferbly in ivory colour or cheerful light violet.

As time approaches 9.30, I'm getting sleepier and tis bad because I'm effing busy today.
I would need hell lot of glucose to keeo me awake; ello coke - here I come.

AND OMG, my cousin became prettier at age 32! (And the last time I saw her was CNY) How the hell did that happen?!

Soler - Intuition (album on replay)

I miss you hell lot

watch no evil, listen no evil, say no evil

2006-07-21T03:42:00.000+08:00

Dinner tonight was great; I've never felt so interllectual for a very long time. (:
And I had great fun.
Thanks pillay, I know you wuv me. :D

I bought xin min today. They had huge headlines screaming how Jolin Tsai turned from A cup to G cup. Looking at the pictures (thought I'm not exactly sure if its tampered) it certainly looks different.

I got Holly (for those who don't know, my sony walkman is called Holly) working; even though I don't particulary have my vaio. I installed it in my mom's. I've got to give a call to sony soon because they said to call me in 3 days and it has been 3 days and I'm starting to get worried.

Meanwhile, I'm approaching towards the 1st August date and he checked the "chinese fengshui calendar" for me and I quote him "Ji - best. B.E.S.T best (throw in the 'gd' handsign). He can be really damn funny and cute at times. I'm certainly gonna miss him when I pass. And that
gave me a shot of confidence boost that I needed desperately.

I've never been so scared in my life before, not even when I took my 4 modules last sem. This is literally driving me off the road - I might have to visit Shelwyn before it though. I can't seem to calm the feathers.

On Milan's news; we lost Rui (I dont know what happened) and Jaap Stam and of course SHEVA. Pirlo and Kaka are staying - oh thank God. I never thought Pirlo would leave Milan until the worldcup happened. I've always knew he was a damn great player, ever since Milan tried the dual playmaker role (with Pirlo and Rui) when he first came to the Rossoneris in 01 from the Nerazzuris ( for almost a free transfer - can you imagine how much Pirlo's worth right now?)

At then, no one outside Serie A knew him. I'm just damn glad he got his skills recognised at the highest level in football but I just never had the thought of him leaving - if that does happen, I hope it doesn't ruin his career. It'll certainly break my heart though.

On other front; Juve sort of became a supermarket but Buffon, Del and Nedved have all opt to stay so I guess there's hope.

Smartass Capello (ex juve coach who jump to Real when the scandal started splashing) knew exactly what Real need - a bloody good defender to help their useless goalkeeper. So he bought Cannavaro. Real's gonna be freakkin tough next season.

Doesn't matter much cos starhub still refuses to pay for the Serie A license rights (they dont haveLa Liga now either). But there's a very high chance of Milan getting into UEFA Cup because 2 of the other clubs couldn't get the license so I'll still get to see them. I jst feel like banging my head. Is there ANY other way I can get my Serie A? :(

Other than these, I hope my parents came back soon. I'm starting to hate washing clothes.

Ooooh! Milan's gonna change new pictures! I can't wait. I hope Pirlo would at least smile in this new one.

走火入魔

2006-07-19T03:33:00.000+08:00

First things up, I should't have worried so much. My mother sent me an sms saying she have no regrets buying that phone - I certainly hope she's talking about the n80. That way, nothing stops me from zooming to get my k800i asap.

tonight at xy's place was fun - I haven't described an event "fun" since neverland. (:

There are times when I wonder if I really do have to carry this responsibility down with me - for now and maybe forever. Its a dead weight that never goes away.

Should I have left for sydney 3 years ago, these all wouldn't have been possible. I'll probably have escaped numerous things - a couple of those I'd rather not rem.

I don't know how to justify my decision 3 years ago but there was this compelling need to stay - non financial of course, purely emotional.

Then now that I retrace - it was probably God who wanted me to stay. If its that way, then not only I am going to have to carry this forever and I might have to even intervene - at this pt, I want to cowar and say no. I wish God would give me a sign, tell me he's here with me guiding, accompanying me through it all.

I know he is - he always is. But gosh, sometimes I just feel so tired, so alone - its something no human company can ease.

Humans are almost always selfish. I try, with the help of God's grace not to be. I do what I can but somehow sometimes its just too tiring to go on. Drawing boundaires, I believe this is still within my boundary - I try as I might to influence right but if its not meant to be, then I guess its seriously not meant to be.

its almost 50 minutes since my sis called and I still dont know if she's even on the way home or not. im tired and sleepy. I want to bathe and sleep till late. I better start bathing before the worrying consumes me.

you gotta get yr groove on;

2006-07-18T12:18:00.000+08:00

my fjkk!!! aunt woke me at 1030; requesting for the stupidest thing ever (i slept at 630AM), and then i couldnt get back to sleep even though im due to wake at 1.15pm instead.

For the past two hours ive been fretting about 1)getting my mother a phone for her birthday, and 2)selling of n80 and getting of a k800i, 3)my sony vaio.

I hate it when im thinking of so many things, and not being able to confirm a single damn thing. I've got to at least know how much is my n80 worth (700 or more, i hope). twas a bad decision indeed, and i can't get it off my mind.

i cant believe how fuckingstupid i am. :( now, i miss my k750i.

Its a day after I sent my vaio for repair and the people hasn't called me yet. What the hell, I'm scared. For pete's sake, don't they understand how painful it was for me to part with it even and they're taking so effing long just to call me back or to even sms me what needs to be done?!

hais. :(

think. think!

2006-07-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

well, results for the "scandal" is out a few days ago. Thank God Milan is spared except with a -15 pt demerit in the upcoming season. This way, I don't actually think anyone would leave the club. It seems that juve's gonna be one huge supermarket, but i hope they dont get out of italy though and certainly not real. I respekt Del Piero for staying with Juve in Serie B - even though he's 31 but he's still performing. If there's somebody who wants Nedved/Thuram/Viera at ages 32,34,34 - then I think there certainly people who wants Del. (I had actually thought Nedved would stay because he's gonna stop playing football in a few years and I thought - just thought he might end it with Juve). And not forgetting Gigi Buffon! I hope he comes to milano. :D

on other news, my parents have left for japan/korea today morning; while i am stuck here in sg to study and take care of things. Its okay to me cos japan is now currently oh so hot, so im not too bothered. Sometimes I can't wait for my driving test to come and go, I can't wait for my exam to end.

Meanwhile, my ITALIA team jacket has arrived, and so have my portugal shorts! Well, my jacket is a tad big but its the smallest size available. UPS is certainly pretty efficient and OH THE DELIVERY MAN IS PRETTY GOOD LOOKING!

EDIT:4.16AM

I spent better half of the night surfing lappies with steph, and it makes me wanna get a new 1)laptop 2)mp3 player. The new macbook is certainly very attractive to no limits but its nowhere near to the place my vaio has in my heart. Maybe its my first lap but the beauty and specs at that pt of time (technically 3 yrs ago) was one of the prime.

And the recent vaios doesnt make the same impact anymore. So the mac is really pretty. And it has great bloody student discount right now but i dont need a lap yet - or that is if sony does NOT screw up my comp.

I have two OS inside - eng and jap. I hope they don't revert it back to jap, that way i stand to lose EVERYTHING. Well, repair fees are 250 basic. I wonder how much will the spare parts be. I wouldn't want to hear it being "not savable", thats what happened to my ipod - the screen died.

So only if its redeemed as not savable then ill get the full set. :D Indeed, to save or not to save? OMG - its said to be 2.3KG! Stephy's gonna check it out tmr first. Sheesh. :X

That vaio will always be my love - how can you not fall in love with that lil beauty.

why, its so scary

2006-07-13T18:47:00.000+08:00

its almost 6.45pm,
I've completed my assignment, thankgod. (even though its slipshod work)

I've also just learnt Italia WorldCup Star, Fabio Grosso is now a Nerazzuri.
I can't believe how fast inter acted, but I guess at this current moment, the best ticket to get out of Serie B is to go to Inter. (Considering current options, the Nerazzuri is the top club in Serie A without scandal.)

Despite that, the clock continues to tick and there isn't any word. I am waiting half out of my mind for the verdict (and there is 3 and a half days to go to monday).

My laptop's screen is almost defunct, I've got to bring it down to sony soon. (and I'm scared abt the repair charges)

Did you get my message?

2006-07-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

My assignment is due later tonight and I've only got my first two pts of part A done.
Its not my first overnight haul but its my first in many months (the last sem I completed all of them early)

However, I am currently preoccupied by something else more impt.

1) WHEN is the verdict coming out; and, 2) WHERE is milan gonna go?
Two question marks nobody can answer until the jury comes out (it can be any moment from now till late sunday night)

Pirlo is back in Brescia (as I expected), how I wish I was there too. It makes me wonder if Pirlo is pure italian because he's from Lombardy. (I prefer the Tuscany though; but that brand of italian dialect they speak is gonna take me years to learn)

Nesta is zeroed in by Chelsea if Milan gets relegated;
Cannavaro is on the verge to Real [because juve is almost definitely relegating]

4 things on my shopping list
1) Puma Mens Italia Jacket
2) Italia Polo Shirt (its sold out on kitbag! Shouldve bought it right at the start the the damn cup)
3) Rossoneri's Mens Addidas Jacket
4) Addidas Samba in black and gold

And when I am so ready to part 180 bucks for my Puma Italia jacket and portugal's shorts, kitbag's comfirm order site is unfortunately down, how unfortunate. I'll just hang around then, at least I got myself a start into my assignment.

I'm going to run 43 hours without sleep. Currently its 27hours 51 mins and counting.

On another note, its weird to get in the cab to see the metre flash $2.50.

直覺

2006-07-12T05:18:00.000+08:00

This is my first foray into blogspot after almost a year (last dated, early oct)

I must be a little crazy moving my journal everywhere round the web, but sometimes, you cant help but feel the need to get a new place. As if every phrase of yr life, needs a new page, a new home, a new start.

I won't deny but this is a template copied heavily from if you know who you know who. I'm still not done with it overall yet, but its at its basic. I spent last two hours just getting this up and you know how terribly backdated I am for my upcoming assignment.

I'm at least gonna start something, at least a page to get my motor going.
I wonder what would Don say if I turn up on thursday hands empty, i'll go straight to hell.

-

its rare that im able to put down all the responsibilities, all the judgement, all the expectations and just sit down have dinner and coffee with two VIPS,

it doesnt happen very often, but when it does (:

I'm very captivated by this new band called Soler.
Initially I cast them off because I thought they were yet another jolin tsai,
but how wrong i was.
Great compositions from the twins, 4 songs of the 9 has made its way into my playlist.

va bene, now im going to jump start my dormant machine.